I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
