I accidentally had phone sex last night
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
