Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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