did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
