If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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