the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Randomize
