i don't plan on having that self control this summer
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
