recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
