Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
