We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
