I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm passing your future prison.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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