I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
