dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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