OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
