I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
