you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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