in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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