Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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