I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
