and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
