you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Randomize