He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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