my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
