I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize