escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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