Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
