): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
