And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
