i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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