the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
