Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
