Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
