I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
