do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
