Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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