remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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