Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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