Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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