talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
