Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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