Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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