Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
