its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
