I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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