Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Is this like a preordered booty call?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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