You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
