We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
