dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
