i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
