that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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