Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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