i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
