I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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