I got chris browned last night
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
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