porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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