I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
