i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
