I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
