dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
