WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
you will always have a special place in my vag
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
