whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
it's like iHOP with fire
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
