i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
