im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
