There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize