if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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