She is in my trunk
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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