I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
