69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
