Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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