just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
the day after is always just damage control
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize