billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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