I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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