I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
