Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
All the doctor said was why
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