when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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