Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
