do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
