I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
