i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
