Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
May the power of my ass compel you!!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
