Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize