He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Never let your siblings swipe right.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
