i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
