you didnt know i had herpes?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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