dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize