What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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